Basically, the “owner” of the problem is the one who is emotionally involved in it. If you are anxious, nervous, or worried about something, you own that problem, whether you are the proper owner or not. The reverse is also true, if we can let others own their problems, we will feel less worry. That sounds nice.
There are many situations in life when problem ownership can help, on our jobs, with our spouses, with our children, and with our friends. The reference sites I’ve found deal with the work place and children, but I’m learning to apply the concepts in every aspect of my life.
The one I’m finding hardest to do is with my husband. I mean, when you marry someone, everything becomes jointly owned, right? Isn’t that the law? If I own half of the bank account, then don’t I own half of every penny he chooses to spend? If he tells me about a problem at work, isn’t it my job to help him deal with it? Isn’t that why he told me?
Hmmm…then why do I get so upset when he suggests solutions on how I can better clean the house? I mean, the house is half his, right? If there’s a stain on the rug, and he thinks he knows how to clean it, why shouldn’t he tell me how to do it properly?
As you can see, I have a lot of work to do on this subject. But even with the little I’ve learned about problem ownership, is helping me see things in a completely new way. It is helping me to not feel guilty about not helping every person that presents a problem to me. It’s also helping them, because if I take ownership of the problem, and I find the solution, then I own the solution. They get no sense of accomplishment. If I allow them to solve their own problem, they own the solution. That brings satisfaction.
This site has corporate exercises, but it gives a good idea of the concept.
http://www.depts.ttu.edu/hs/rhim5200/htm_files/0025.htm
This is a great example of a parenting example. I love how she says, “It’s only one squiggly letter from mothering to smothering”.
http://www.shininglightreading.com/kidstalknews/2007/09/who-owns-problem.html
On the other side of the coin is what happens when no one owns the problem. http://www.sei.cmu.edu/news-at-sei/columns/watts_new/2006/03/watts-new-2006-03.htm. I can tell you, this was the one thing I hated about working in a corporate environment. It makes me think of a joke:
I was stuck in traffic last week. While I was waiting, I saw two county workers between the road and the sidewalk.
The first guy was digging a hole and the second guy was coming behind and filling the hole. They moved about ten feet down the street and did the same thing. I watched them do this three times, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I jumped out of my car and expressed my outrage, “Is this what my tax dollars buy me now? You guys are wasting time and energy, what do you think you’re doing?”
“This is our job, we’re doing what we’re supposed to do”. The first man responded.
“Your job is to dig holes and refill them?”
“Well, not exactly. You see, usually I dig the hole, Bob puts a tree in, and Jim fills it up. Bob’s out sick today. Do you want us to stop our job, just because Bob can’t work?”
When no one can see how their job relates to the big picture, the problems are just that obvious. But, someone has to be willing to own it, not just see it. So, in a corporate setting, my willingness to own other’s problems was at times helpful.
Now I’m working on realizing not only that I can choose to take on other’s problems, or share the problem if they are willing to be a co-owner, but also that I don’t have to. It makes me less resentful when I do help someone, because I made the choice to do it. It also helps me to not feel hurt or left out when a loved one wants to handle his or her own problem.
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