Hubby is coming home tomorrow

I get to pick up hubby from the airport tomorrow evening. He's been traveling all week. I'm just not myself when he's away.
Actually, now that I'm looking at the time, it will be tonight. I can't believe I'm up this late. I started out so well this evening.
I got home pretty late from shopping. I checked my email, and talked to hubby on the phone. I took the call in my room around 9:30. I turned the lights off and got in bed while we talked. We didn't say anything particularly interesting (or naughty), it was just nice to hear his voice. After the call, I was relaxed and decided to forget all the half-finished projects I needed to take care of. They would be there in the morning.
Then, my daughter came in to show me some things that she was working on. We turned on the lights and talked about what she was doing. I didn't mind doing it, but it woke me up. After that, I decided to finish the transcription test I was in the middle of. That took a while, and then I started answering emails. Then, of course I felt guilty for not updating my blog, so here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
I have dishes in the sink, which is a whole 'nother subject that I really do intend to write about. But, for now the dishes and the blog will have to wait, I have too much to do tomorrow to sleep in. I have to be gone all weekend, and my mom has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday that I need to take her to.
I don't know if I'll have any time on Monday or Tuesday or not. The kids each have two virtual school classes starting on Monday, so I assume that I won't get a lot of computer time. I am hoping to purchase a laptop this month, but I have had a lot of other unexpected expenses, so we'll see.
Hopefully, I'll get paisleytude.com up soon. I have everything almost done on paper, I just have to type it out. Maybe next week.
Maybe I'll be back to my old self when hubby gets home.

Where I've been

Wow,
See what happens when you take a vacation?
I took last week off to hang out with my best friend. Since we were staying at my house, I really thought I'd have evenings to post what we were doing. I took pictures of everything we did, so many pictures that her family thought I had completely lost my mind.
Unfortunately, in the evenings, I was so tired that I barely got the pictures downloaded off my camera. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't even done that.
I got home on Friday night, well really 1:00 am on Saturday. I was tired and went directly to bed. The next day I went shopping with hubby and left the kids home. When I returned, my daughter told me that there was something wrong with the computer. As it turned out, it was the motherboard, my computer was totalled.
Fast forward to tonight. I got a new computer and am waiting on hubby to get it up and running. In the mean time, I'm borrowing his lap top and trying to catch up on all my online stuff that I haven't done for two weeks.
I have been attending Virtual School parent conferences and answering e-mails from teachers since 6:00. Now, I'm trying to let you know where I've been.
I have to take my mom to the cardiologist tomorrow, so I won't get back to this until Friday. I intend to devote all day Friday to parent conferences and business stuff, so look out, I've got a lot to tell you.

I am now an Etsy seller

Well, that was the easiest thing I've done all day! I signed up to sell on Etsy. My screen name is paisleytude. You can see my shop at http://www.paisleytude.etsy.com/. I only got one thing on so far, but it is late and I have to get some sleep.
I'll put the baby sun hats and one apron on tomorrow. I gave one apron to a friend and kept one for myself. That will be my biggest problem, letting go of what I make. I made another bear this week, so I'll get him on too.
Today I worked in my yard. I set the timer and worked for fifteen minutes, but it didn't make a whole lot of difference, so I kept at it. I worked too hard though, and I almost got sick. I really do have to learn to pace myself in this heat.
After dinner, I worked some more on my website. I settled on paisleytude.com. It's a bit odd, but then, so is etsy and they seem to be doing OK.

Money, Ugh!

I have a confession, there is one thing that FLYLady says to do that I had not done before today. Today I FACEd my finances, and it was a little scary.
If you know me, you'll think this is weird. Professionally, I am a bookkeeper, a general accountant. Of course, I have a budget, well...I have an Excel spreadsheet where I plan what bills I'm going to pay. That is different than a budget. A budget takes your income, and lists what you will spend from that income. When you use a budget, you only spend what you make.

In my "spending plan", I have $300 every two weeks for groceries. Lately, that has not been enough. If I stay within that amount, I have $5.36 for dinner, $5.36 for lunch, $4.29 for breakfast, and $2.86 for snacks. That is the daily breakdown for four people, not per person.
This week, I will be adding up what some basic recipes cost. For example, last night we had Celentano Round Cheese Ravioli, homemade meatballs, homemade sauce, garlic bread, and a salad. It breaks down this way:

• $3.00 for Raviolli
• $1.00 for french bread
• $1.00 for Salad greens
• $3.00 for hamburger
• $ .89 for Tomato puree
• $1.00 for misc. (bread crumbs, seasonings, garlic, onion, butter, parmesean cheese, salad dressing)

I'm up to $9.89 for this one meal, and it didn't have a whole lot of meat in it. Even if I used spaghetti instead of the raviolli, I'd still be at $7.89. Maybe I could save on lunches:

• $3.00 One package of smoked turkey
• $1.50 8 slices of bread
• $ .50 4 slices of cheese
• $2.80 4 cups of yogurt
• $ .50 Misc (condiments, pickles)

$8.30, that is more than a spaghetti dinner.

Don't get me wrong, this is still way less than eating out. It is better for you too (Well, I cheat on the raviolli). But, eating is getting more and more expensive.

According to Grocery Savings - Your Kitchen is a Goldmine! by Cheryl Johnson,

"The USDA Food Plans at the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion suggests
that a family of four is currently spending about $100 to $116 per week based on
the "Thrifty Plan", "

I don't know how old those statistics are. I know that in the last year, milk has jumped drastically. As I research this, I will let you know how it goes. I really think my grocery budget is the one expense that makes my family complain less. If I skimp on dinner, no one is happy.

In an almost related thought:

Dave Ramsey had a single mom on his show today. I wish I could have shown her the way to FLYLady. She really needs her. She was a single mom who went through a messy divorce. She and the children have scars they are seeking counseling for. She was trying to decide to not go deeper into debt or take her kids to see a "$60 movie". I feel for her, my Hubby really wanted to go to the movie on Wednesday, but I just can't afford it right now. Here are some really good points that Dave shared with her:

"You can buy fun, but you can't buy happiness".
"You are confusing fun with being a good mom."
"Why does everything that is a positive memory have to
involve money?"
"Learning that life and time and money are finite is a part
of growing up."
"'No' is a character building experience"

When she asked what they could do to make good memories, he said:

"As a family minister to the homeless, that's a positive experience"
"You're not a bad mom by saying, 'No, we don't have enough money to go to the movies'" He actually went on to say that it would be bad mothering to run herself into debt until she was stressed out.

He explained what she was doing, and said that we all do it:

"You're medicating the hurt places in your life with purchases". He said you need to say, "Hey, I'm hurting", admit that you are spending to medicate and accept that it is not the fix. "You don't want to teach [your kids] that either...You're modeling for them."

She went on to say the counselor that she was seeing thought that giving in once in a while created good memories. I thought that was the worst part. He told her:

"Your life is America right now."
When discussing eating out, he said. "The point is, our standard of living has shifted...You were happy. You didn't feel deprived as a kid. (when they ate out only once every couple months)" "We cannot define the quality of our parenthood by the places we take our kids or the money we spend on them. Because, you will never keep up. Let's define fun, and let's have some, but let's not confuse it with happiness. Happiness is when I'm playing with my kid and he says, 'Dad, I love you'. That doesn't cost a dime".

He's a smart guy, maybe he can help us:
www.DaveRamsey.com

The Sandwich Generation

I belong to the "Sandwich Generation". I'm starting to feel like bologna.
The phrase means you're taking care of kids and parents at the same time. It makes it sound like there's a slice of bread on each side, kids on one, parents on the other. I wish it was that simple. My sandwich would scare Dagwood.
I've been taking care of someone for 19 years now, and I don't think there's any end in sight.
When hubby and I got married, his grandmother was still alive. His parents lived across the street from her and took care of her. We didn't do a lot for her or his parents, but he felt that we couldn't live where we wanted to, because we needed to stay close enough to help when they did need it. We helped them make decisions when the vacuum salesperson came around, and if the cable went out, we made sure it was plugged into the wall before they called the repair service. He did a lot more for them than I did. We didn't buy a house right away, because his parents were going to move when his grandmother died. We all were going to move to the city I live in now.
After 5 years of marriage, we decided to have a kid and buy a house anyway. We lived in that house for 10 years before grandma wasn't with us any more.
By the time we had kids, his parents needed care too. Not anything full time, but enough that we couldn't go on vacation without worrying about them. By the time our oldest was 10, hubby's mom passed away and we were left to take care of his dad. His mom was sick for 6 years before she died. They maintained their own residence, but we did all we could for them. We worried about them.
Grandpa moved with us when we moved. We got a piece of property that had a small trailer for him on it. He lived with us for a year and decided to remarry and move to California.
By then, my grandmother needed care and my father who lived beside her did his best. She hired someone to stay with her, and that helped a lot, but she had a stroke and had to be moved to a full time nursing facility. I helped with the mountains of paperwork involved in getting her into the facility, and I visited as often as I could. I began calling myself a "patient liason", because I would go to the doctor's appointments with them and explain what he said and help them remember what he said later.
My grandmother passed away almost two years ago, my father has had a couple minor surgeries since then, but it was quiet for a little while. I still take my mom shopping, because she doesn't drive, but I only do it when I have to go to the store myself.
But, this weekend, my mom was in the hospital for "tests". She has severe osteoporosis, with 7 compression fractures in her lower back. She is in pain all the time, but it gets worse at night. She just can't do what she used to do.
I feel the need to do more for her now, but I'm just not sure how much I have to give.
My kids are teenagers now, and I thought I'd have more time on my hands. It turns out that I'm spending more sleepless nights with my daughter now than I did when she was a year old. It seems that 12 year-olds have a lot to talk about, but they only talk after 12:00 midnight.
My dad is 9 years younger than my mom. When she's not around, it will be his turn to need care, my hubby is only 20 years younger than him, and in poor health, so by the time my dad is gone, it will be hubby's turn to get the attention.
I have this horrible guilt. See, the only way I can not take care of them anymore, is for them to no longer need help. With the kids, they can learn to stand on their own and grow up. With the parents, it's not such a happy change. I never want any of them to think that I don't want to take care of them. But, I get tired.
This weekend, I stayed at the hospital with my mom. She doesn't like to be alone, my sister had to work, and my dad totally freaks out in hospitals. I didn't get the rest I needed sleeping in a recliner, and being awakened by nurses every couple hours. When I came home, my daughter was really emotional and I had to spend time with her. Hubby was worried about my mom and remembering how his mom went, so he got himself worked up into a migrane, that always makes me upset.
So, I slept in on Monday, and I cleaned house like a maniac today. Hopefully, I got all the fires put out, and tomorrow I can get back to my busy routine.
Sometimes you're the bologna, sometimes you're the bread.

FLYlady Group at Jumpcut.com

Sometimes I'm just slow, sometimes I'm just busy. I think this was a case of a little of both.
FLYlady has been saying that she has a group on Jumpcut. I just hadn't had the time to check it out. Well, I did, and I love it. If you haven't gone over there, you have to.
A couple weeks ago, I was listening to her radio show, and someone made a reference to her guest room. I had no idea what they were talking about. Well, the videos are on the jumpcut group: http://www.jumpcut.com/FlyLady. Her room was messy. It made me feel so much better.
There are lots of FLYbaby clips with their rooms and how 15 minutes helps them. I posted one of mine. Why don't you join us and post your progress. It really is fun.

If I Change, Am I Still Me?

I’m having a lot of angst lately. It always happens when I think about change. My son doesn’t like change either. I tell him, “Try it for a while, then you’ll get used to it, and you won’t feel comfortable doing it the old way.”. It's good advice, and I usually do that. The problem with this decision is I wonder if I really want to do it this new way forever.
Before I met FlyLady, I went to bed all the time with dirty dishes in the sink. I spent most of my time with dirty dishes in the sink. I washed them at 4:00, so I’d have a clean kitchen to cook dinner in. Since FlyLady, I wash my dishes as soon as I’m done eating. I always knew that was how it was supposed to be done, I just never did it.
One day last week, the hubby and kids were on their own for dinner. I went shopping with some friends, and we got dinner out. When I got home, there were dishes in the sink. I was really tired, and I had new books I wanted to read. But, there were dishes in the sink. I ended up cleaning the kitchen instead of going to bed or reading.
While I washed them (it only took 6 minutes), I really wondered if it was obsessive or compulsive. It really wasn’t, I wasn’t worried about them, I just wanted my sink to be shiny (it’s a FlyLady thing).
As I realized that I am now a person that keeps her dishes clean, I reflected on whether that was a good thing or not. Why would I consider that being conscientious about washing your dishes might be a bad thing? I’m not sure. I just worry that maybe I’ll become someone that never has fun, because she’s always cleaning the kitchen.
The funny part is that I do a lot more fun things now that the house is clean. I really don’t stress over the housework, it always gets done. It takes a lot less time and effort than it used to. But, I still worry that I’ll be one of those moms that freaks out if the kids spill something or walk on the rug with shoes.
I cut my hair this week. No, I didn’t get it cut, I cut it myself with a little help from my daughter. I really like the way it turned out. I just get out of the shower, blow dry it upside down, and put some humidity control gel stuff in it. It has a little natural wave on the ends, and I think it looks nice. Other people have told me it looks nice too. But, (you knew there’d be a but) I’ve never really maintained a hairstyle. My hair grows very fast, so I usually get it cut once every two or three years, and let it get pretty long in between. When I did try to get it done every two months, they never cut it the same way twice, so I gave up trying to maintain the same style.
This time, I did it myself, and I can do it again. But, do I want to be a woman that gets her hair cut on a regular basis? What kind of question is that? Why wouldn’t I want to? I wish I could put it in words. Maybe I think it’s a slippery slope? Maybe if I keep up with my hair, my clothes would have to be nicer to go with it. Maybe I would be the kind of woman that checks her hair while she’s out for the day. Wait, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that self-improvement?
But...what if it’s just self-absorbed and shallow? What if keeping up with a hairstyle takes up a little brain energy that I used to use for writing? What if checking to make sure I’m using the right shade of lipstick for the blouse I have on takes up a little more? Where does it end? At what point have I done enough for my image? Should I get Botox? I could really use a tummy tuck.
I think there’s more at the bottom of this. I don’t think it’s about hair at all. I think I’m worried about who I will be if I establish a successful blog, or if I become recognized as an artist, or even just get a full-time job. Here I am going down this road, and I’m wondering who I’ll be when I get to the end.
I have to do something to earn enough to get a car. I really need one, and hubby’s income is enough for everything except a car payment. So, I have to make some income somehow. I’m looking into telecommuting, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to find anything. If I just keep selling on Ebay, I won’t make enough. I have to get enough people interested in my art and designer clothes/accessories to justify higher prices. I have to reopen my Ebay store and keep it stocked with new items.
To make Ebay work, I’d have to pour myself into it. And I wonder when they finally wring it out, what will be left of me?
Will I be transformed into a popular designer? Will I go to bear shows just to sign my items? Will a famous company pick up my line and manufacture them? Or will I be bankrupt financially, morally, and physically?
I think that to make a living on Ebay, I would need to be very talented, and I would have to market myself well. I’m not sure I am, or that I can. I'm not sure that I want to be a success. But, does that mean I'm a failure?
I know I'm not a failure. I'm a good wife and mother, but that won't buy me a car. I have to be more. Now, what will I become?